Friday, September 26, 2014


It's not about me.

A much-needed Skype conversation with my brother the other night reminded me of this truth that I seem to forget over and over again.  I am so selfish with my time especially, and even fool myself into thinking that my devotional time with the Lord is about ME.

I must remember that I am blessed, not for my sake, but for the sake of those around me.  I am filled so that I might be poured out by the Lord and used in others' lives as a light.  Oswald Chambers puts it this way, "If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain but what He pours through us that really counts.  God's purpose is not simply to make us beautiful, plump grapes, but to make us grapes so that He may squeeze the sweetness out of us" (My Utmost for His Highest).

This sounds simple, but it's been quite difficult for me.  Being "squeezed" is uncomfortable, and I would much rather choose when, how much, and where I am to be poured out than to surrender to God's purposes.  I want to be selfish.  I want to hide from people when things are hard.  My natural reaction is to keep the blessings for myself.

But I've tried that.  I have allowed my circumstances to affect the condition of my heart.  The attitude of my mind has been unhealthy because of the pride and selfishness that I practice on a day to day basis.  And I am finding that hoarding goodness corrodes character.  Selfishness and pride inevitably result from trying to keep the good things that God gives to oneself.  I am guilty of this time and time again.  What we think will make us happy actually causes hatred and irritability because we refuse to hold it with an open hand.

Giving things up.  A servant's heart.  Holding life with an open hand.  This requires humility, generosity, and trust.  I don't want to lack these things anymore.

Lord, may I be poured out over and over again.

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